Diary of a Portly Empress

Transforming a Negative Life Into a Positive One

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The fact that I have not binged this week has been amazing. The start of the week was a good one and I was hopeful, things were looking up. That’s where the goodness stopped. I have been having a series of things breaking at my home lately and it’s making my sanity teeter. I thought I was at the end of issues but ohh no..

To summarize the effing craziness:

  • My dryer stopped drying. I had to get it serviced and lines cleaned out. I had 2 weeks worth of laundry to catch up on by the time it was completed.
  • My car started making the worst whining sound one day. After looking at it, my brother replaced my alternator. I had to drive his car around and it is a huge and I never feel safe in it because I don’t feel comfortable driving such a humongous car. Note: His car works perfectly fine, it is just me who doesn’t like to drive it but I am lucky enough to have him around to fix my car for me and have a car that I can actually drive and not mess up my whole schedule, so I won’t complain about this, ever.
  • My brother needed my help as he needed a new HVAC system sooner than he thought in his house, then mine started to malfunction. My HVAC is fixed temporarily but I couldn’t help my brother the way I wanted because I know I’m going to have to replace my system before long. This makes me feel like a horrible sister.
  • I needed to buy a lawn mower because the guy I had been paying to do it moved away and I’m never going to find someone to do my yard for that cheap. I bought a lawnmower which was awesome because I thought I should just do it myself and get some exercise. After mowing my front yard with it though, I could barely mow my front yard without my lungs hurting so bad I could barely stand up straight. The other stress, however, is the weed eater they sent with it is defective and I’m going to have to figure out how to return it whenever my schedule clears up.
  • My refrigerator was freezing everything and it was broken for a month. The repairman had to keep calling Samsung technical service to see what parts to get, apparently they don’t just work on appliances anymore. It took a month to get all the right parts. I thought it was finally over, I was going to be able to keep food at home again. Then water began leaking out the bottom at a continuous rate even after all the thawing happened, so much so that the water rushed out when you would open the door and soaked through two beach towels. I called the repairman and he said that it sounds like the filter casing is broken and he’d have to order that part. By this point I felt like pulling my hair out. I pulled the refrigerator out and turned off the water and in this process scratched my floor.
  • The next day, I saw that because the water from the refrigerator leak poured out so much, it got under my laminate flooring and has caused it to bubble. Now it will need to be replaced.
  • This same day, I was getting ready to go to bed and looked up at my kitchen ceiling and saw a faint water stain and the drywall starting to disfigure. There is some kind of leak in my ceiling (1st floor of a 2 story house). I wanted to give up on life by this point
  • My dad is having surgery tomorrow and I have my child and I still need to work, which luckily I can do remotely, however, there are a lot of moving parts and schedules and now I’ve added a plumber to Wednesday that I’ll need to be here for and I need to make sure my cats are taken care of.
  • My ex-husband is proposing to a woman I do not like, so there’s that. She’s so freaking fake I could gag. I hate that she’s around my child. I hope it all crashes and burns… then I feel bad for wishing ill will on him because on some level I still love him.

I am a single mother. I have very minimal help and support. I work full-time and have one income. All of these things have started piling up on me and I have had nothing on my mind but stress all week.

In spite of this, I did not binge once. I kept myself together and ate thoughtfully and really tried to focus on handling my feelings myself, without food. I don’t know how well I really handled my feelings internally but I did not do it with food which is positive because that would have been the first thing I did to try and make myself “feel better”. I weighed myself this morning and I am down 11.2lbs. I have not added any physical activity, only altered my eating habits.

For breakfast, I’ve been eating boiled eggs, fruit and a little cheese. I had some oatmeal and fruit a couple of days. I replaced cream in my coffee with almond milk.

For snacks, I’ve been doing either nuts, dried chickpeas, or apples with peanut butter. Sometimes I’ve done popcorn in the evenings.

For dinner, I’ve cooked at home. I had salmon, roasted potatoes, steamed veggies one night. Pot roast, boiled potatoes, and green beans another. I had takeout stir fry steak and shrimp with veggies and white rice one night and a steak salad with two bites of a brownie sundae the other.

The first week of change is always a larger weight loss, I know. This next week is going to be the hardest as I will be eating out more than usual. I’m going to try and keep my mindset straight and make sure I don’t stress eat. If I concentrate on this maybe it won’t be as stressful a week as I feel it is going to be.

If you have some positive thoughts free, please send them my way. I’m in desperate need of them. I hope you all have a better week than me. Here’s to not falling completely apart!

~Jennifer

 

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