I love my Dad. He’s having shoulder replacement surgery today and I am sitting here in the waiting room, looking around at all the people who are waiting for their loved ones to be done or waiting to be operated on themselves. My daughter and I slept over at my Dad’s studio apartment on a blow up mattress so we could get up at 4:45am to get him here by 6am. He went back a little after 9am and here we wait.
I couldn’t sleep the whole night, don’t know if I was uncomfortable or just anxious. We are lucky that this surgery should be pretty straightforward. My Dad has no other health problems except arthritis and bad joints from his years of service at the post office. He has been there for me my whole life. He has never been critical of my weight. When I would get upset about it, he would encourage me and tell me that he would help me with whatever I wanted to do. He used to take me to Gold’s Gym when I was a pre-teen and he would show me how to use the equipment. He would encourage me and tell me I was doing a good job. We would get protein shakes when we left and talk about how strong I could be and I would actually feel strong. It was nice. This was before he and my mom got into all the financial trouble and he had to work 2 jobs to keep us above water.
As I got older and their marriage crumbled around us and my mom started drinking all the time and talking horribly about him, he still was able to be there for me, a little less so because of his work schedule but he really tried his hardest. I’m lucky that I had such a father in my life regardless of what my mom thought of him.
I want to make him proud and I know he would say that he is but I don’t feel I’ve done anything for him to be proud of. I want him to know how much he means to me. I wish I could vocalize it more so that he would never forget even when I’m in my non-talkative states. I sit here and wait while they cut him open and I feel my heart in my throat wishing they would finish and tell me everything went fine.
I love my Dad and I hope he knows how much and how much of a hole he will leave when he’s gone… but he’s not leaving today. I will make sure he knows because he deserves it. ❤
Prayers to all the families I am amongst today and any potential struggles they may be going through.
Happy Monday to all.